My four year child recently took to saying “Nothing matters”
in response to pretty much whatever she didn’t want to hear. If you refused her
a sweet, or more screen time for example, you would hear “Nothing matters” in a
child’s imitation of a long suffering soul.
We have no idea where she picked it up from. It’s possible
that she originally meant to say “Doesn’t matter” but remembered it wrong.
Regardless of the genesis, the kid noticed that neither I nor her mum liked the
phrase. That guaranteed its common use.
Before I react negatively to a phrase like “nothing matters”
I like to investigate what it means. Sometimes I find that someone has just
said something I do agree with but in a way I wouldn’t put it. Certainly our
kid was no help in explaining her exact point.
At first glance it seems like “nothing matters” is meaningless.
It’s the “nothing” that suggests that. To understand what I mean by that
consider the opposite phrase; “everything matters”. That’s clearly meaningless;
if everything matters then what does mattering mean? Without any standard of
not-mattering to compare mattering to, then mattering means nothing distinguishing.
It’s like saying “everything is”. There’s nothing to agree or disagree with
there at all.
“Nothing matters” is similar. If nothing at all matters then
there just isn’t any use to not-mattering as a distinguishing term. After all
it applies to everything. However “nothing matters” doesn’t quite fall into the
same vacuum of comparison that “everything matters” does. This is because even
when nothing (that exists) matters there can be a non-existent ideal that defines
mattering for us. This ideal of importance (mattering), although non-existent, can
be the basis for comparing everything to. Then if everything doesn’t measure up
to this ideal, “nothing matters” in a way that makes sense.
E.g. We could say that for something to matter it must
endure – that is have permanence. From this definition we could argue that
because nothing lasts for ever then nothing matters. All our loves and hates, efforts and
achievements don’t matter because in a million years they are ground into dust.
The problem with having an ideal description of mattering
(like permanence) is that it begs the question of why. Why do only those things
which have permanence matter? This is especially true if we are inclined to
conclude that nothing has permanence and therefore nothing matters. If we are going to set the bar for mattering
in such a way that everything falls short we are beholden to have an especially
good reason to do so. That is because we are claiming either a flaw in language
(for having a concept like matters) or in the universe (for lacking anything
that fits the concept). If our definition is merely arbitrary then we might as
well pick one that doesn’t make such large claims necessary.
Ultimately though any objective definition of what matters can’t justify itself. That’s
true if it exists or is a non-existent ideal. For example we could say that what
matters is what affects other people, which begs the question “Why is it only
what affects other people that matters?” There's no way for what matters to just abruptly begin, except by suppressing a perfectly legitimate question "Why?".
This throws us back to our own subjectivity. If “matters”
has any meaning then perhaps it is in only in terms of what matters to us. By
this definition “nothing matters” is really an expression of personal
indifference rather than a description of reality. That’s why it comes out as
either nonsense or arbitrary when we think of it as a description of reality.
When a person genuinely does feels nothing matters
(unlike when a four year old says it in disgust at parental
limits) they may also be in a great place of producing art without the voice of
critics in their head. They may be appreciating pleasantly what Romantic
philosophy called the sublime – the sense that the world is infinitely larger
than our own crap. However more often
they are not in a safe or happy place. They are making a cry of ennui – of boredom
with and apathy towards the world. This places them at risk of suicide or even
risk taking behaviour. It’s the sort of place I might imagine someone who lived
for their kids ending up if they lost their child.
If we wanted to understand a person biochemically when they
are in a bad place of “nothing matters” we would say they have low dopamine
levels. Dopamine is the reward chemical in the brain that plays a key role in
reinforcing behaviour. It’s clearly seen in addictions where the reinforcement overwhelms
us. One interesting fact is that we are hardwired to avoid low dopamine levels
with far greater intensity than we are to pursue high levels. That’s where the
risk taking behaviour comes in – as desperate attempts to push our dopamine up.
Philosophically what is tricky is that there is no logical way
forward from this position. “Nothing matters” is subjectively true for someone
with low dopamine. If subjective truth is the only truth around no-one else can
challenge their position as valid as any other. Even more seriously they
themselves can’t challenge their own apathy when their initial reality is one
in which nothing matters. The image this conjures up for me is one of a person
floating in space. With no external reality to push against they have no way to
move forward. That’s how I imagine myself isolated in my subjectivity,
particularly one in which nothing matters.
That is my explanation for why we have highly developed
religions and philosophies which describe mattering as much more than a
subjective concern. It is essentially a cognitive trick to give our floating
astronaut something beyond themselves to push against. It remains deeply useful, if logically difficult,
to do so. However externalized sources of meaning are more preventative than
curative. Investing in anything like that from the position of nothing matters is
very difficult. We don’t care to.
There are two realizations that can move us beyond a position of nothing matters. Firstly, as I tried to explain in a previous post
(Questions of Intrinsic Worth), our subjectivity is not free of reality. No matter what some
self-help gurus promise subjectivity does not allow us to freely rearrange the
world. We cannot, as young romantics, say that looking at sunsets matters but
that eating healthily doesn’t. Eat too much sugar and you’ll lose your eyesight
to diabetes and won’t be able to look at sunsets. Similarly I can’t say that my
child matters but that my own life doesn’t. My life matters to my child. Subjectivity
is therefore not isolation. It is instead engagement with the world from our
unique position within it. Think otherwise and “bam”, reality will correct you.
For someone feeling trapped in a sense of “nothing matters”
this realization should encourage them to engage with the world, their own body
and other people’s in order to properly awaken their subjectivity's wisdom. “Mattering”
can be understood as a phenomenon that arises out of a subjectivity which
relies on engagement to be sensible. It follows therefore that we shouldn’t
expect “mattering” to precede engagement, as strange as that might sound. Fake
it if you have to but get out into the world is good advice for any depressed
person. It's a legitimate way forward, once we properly understand subjectivity.
The second realization is of the inherent contradiction
involved with caring that “nothing matters”. Why does the idea that “nothing
matters” matter? Once we realize that “nothing matters” doesn’t mean that the
world actually is uninteresting in some metaphysical way but is only so
according to a personal perspective this can liberate us to create some
interest ourselves. This is particularly true for people who are devastated
because they newly feel that nothing in life has the special quality they
believed imbued things with “mattering”.
E.g. Someone might have believed that what made the world
matter was its relationship with God, until they lost their faith. This could
produce a feeling of devastation – that “nothing matters” now. However that
feeling of devastation is unnecessary. In fact that feeling of devastation
makes no sense as it depends on a whole theology the person no longer holds.
This idea that we can act with purpose in an essentially
purposeless universe (not only God-less but without a linear human history) was
expressed by philosophers like Albert Camus (and Bill Murray below). Camus' particular brand of
existentialism, sometimes called absurdism, did not hold that life had no
meaning. Instead it holds that we should look for our meaning in the personal
and immediate rather than in the absolute and infinite. The moment we step out
our doorway we are surrounded by a world which we impact. Just those impacts
give us reason to care themselves, even in if they are not attached to some
grand human story, perhaps even especially so.
I haven’t shared all of this post with my four year old
(seriously). However we did sit down and have a lengthy discussion about what
nothing matters might mean. With my prompts she made up a list of what matters
and what doesn’t matter. It made me realize that the “Doesn’t Matters” column
is important to her. Her socialization has involved figuring out what ought to
go there almost as much as what is supposed to matter. It made her realize that
she doesn’t mean that nothing matters at all. She hasn’t said it since.
I’m really glad I listened to my kid on this topic. I haven’t
really sat down and asked her what she think matters before in such a specific
way. I recommend it to any parent. Here’s hoping you and those around you aren’t
in a bad place of nothing matters. In Australia Lifeline is one number you can
call if you are.(13 11 14)
What matters
1. Don’t
hurt anyone
2. Listen
to your school teacher at school
3. At
Uni you always have your listening ears on
4. You
have to put your seat belt on in the car
5. You
have to always have fun when you’re playing with other kids
6. If
you’re talking at school talk in whisper voice
7. Love
is very, very, very, very, very, very, very important
8. Always
have dinner.
9. Always
listen to your parents.
10. Your dogs’
name
11. Picking too
many fruits off trees
12. Leaving
people alone if they’re sick
13. Make sure that people aren’t talking so loud
and making your ears and head have an earache.
What doesn’t matter.
1. What
I wear
2. Your
kids name
3. What
is actually for dinner
4. How
high you can jump